“Son of a pig!” Kanto Kundu
bellows.
“Yessir,” replies
Brindaban-Brinda-Benda, absent-minded.
“Sisterfucker!” Kanto Kundu
bellows again, harsher this time.
“Yes, sir, what is it?” Benda runs
up, now completely attentive, face anxious, reflecting great distress. Before
he comes, though, he winks at the boy--who is about his own age, about ten or
eleven--standing at the stationery counter.
Kanto Kundu says, “Son of a sheep,
are you deaf, or what? Get the tin of sugar-candy from shelf number three for
Ishen.” Kanto puffs noisily on his toasted-tobacco cigarette. He looks at the
elderly man in dhuti-panjabi standing before him, and says with a laugh,
“People don’t know these things. They put sugar in their pyesh. Hey, when they
eat pyesh in winter they should eat it with gur, or at other times put in
sugar-candy. Candy soothes you. Pyesh with candy settles your stomach. I eat
pyesh every day, pyesh with candy.--Yes, what do you want? Oil? There isn’t
any.--You? Gur?”
Seated on his large, comfortable
cushion behind the cash box, Kanto Kundu asks the customers, one by one, what
they want, then tells his workers to measure out the groceries. He turns his
head and says, “What’s keeping you, Ishen? How long can it take to weigh out
three kilos of sugar-candy?--How much gur? Five kilos? Okay. Hey!--Hey, son of
a hyena!”
Benda is talking to the boy
standing at the stationery counter: “Potla? The Potla who comes in all the time
to buy four lozenges? He scored a goal?--He’s got the legs for it, doesn’t he?”
The boy says, “Yes, I’ve heard he
eats turtle meat every day.--Give me a toffee. The six-paisa kind.”
“Okay. So, do they play every
evening in the field behind the school?” Then he hears Kanto’s call, “--Son of
a hyena!” and answers, “Babu?”
“Come here, rascal, get the gur
from shelf number one and give it to Ishen,” commands Kanto Kundu.
Benda signals the boy to wait, and
runs to the crammed shelves. Benda is twelve. Bare-chested, wearing shorts. His
torso’s rather grimy, but his complexion is surprisingly fair; he could be
called Gorachand [“White-Moon,” a name of Chaitanya]. More surprisingly, he
isn’t all skin and bone. Maybe even somewhat pudgy. Spiky ashen hair, eyes
almost round. Button nose. When he shows his teeth--all healthy new teeth but
stained--in a smile, his eyes almost vanish. Gritting his teeth, he lifts the
twenty-kilo tin of gur from the shelf. He can’t carry it far, so he pushes it
across the floor towards Ishen, and leaves it in front of the scales. Ishen
pinches Benda on the buttock, and Benda goes to the stationery counter rubbing
his backside. He takes a toffee wrapped in colored paper from the jar and
pushes it towards the boy. The boy gives him a five-paisa coin and a one-paisa
coin and says, “Can’t you come to the field to watch the game?”
“I can’t get the time off.”
“Why? The shop’s closed on
Thursdays.”
Benda says, “Thursdays I visit my
mother in Kanchrapara.--I don’t want to. But if I don’t go, Ma gets angry, and
Babu gives me a beating.” He indicates Kanto Kundu with his eyes.
The boy takes off the wrapper and
puts the toffee in his mouth. “Why don’t you want to visit your mother?”
Benda grimaces and says, “I don’t
like Ma’s man. He makes me do all the heavy work, and he swears at me.”
The boy looks surprised. “Who’s
your Ma’s man? Not your father?”
Benda says, “Oh, my pop handed in
his gourd a long time ago. Now Ma has a guy. And a bunch of kids. I don’t like
it. One of these Thursdays I’m going to take off and go watch the game.”
The boy stares blankly at Benda.
Benda says, “I really want to go
out and play. Football. I want to kick the ball so hard I bust it.”
The boy asks, “Don’t you play
anything at all?”
Benda leans forward, eyes
flashing, and says, “I do, every night I play kill-the-mice.” A hard smile
flashes across his face. “At night I sleep in the room behind the shop. I make
the room dark and I play kill-the-mice. In the dark I can see--”
“Hey, son of a dog!” comes Kanto
Kundu’s bellow. “Fetch five kilos of oil cake from the sack and put it in a
bag.”
“Coming, Babu.” Before going,
Benda winks at the boy again.
Kanto Kundu puts on a soft voice
and turns to his brother-in-law. “Gopal, what’re you doing, all the
sisterfucker does is talk.”
At one end of the stationery counter,
Gopal, middle-aged and scrawny, has been dozing. He is Kanto’s brother-in-law
from his previous marriage, and he looks after the stationery department.
Without answering Kanto, he says to the boy standing at the stationery counter,
“What do you want, lad?”
The boy shakes his head. Gopal
says, “Then run along now--that son of a crow, all he does is talk.”
Just then a customer comes in and
asks for toothpaste. The boy stays put. Benda places the oil cake in a bag and
pushes it towards Ishen. Then he comes back to the stationery counter. Gopal
gets the toothpaste out of the cupboard for the customer. These jobs are not
supposed to be Benda’s: oil soap toothpaste cream powder notebooks paper pens
pencils--these are things he isn’t allowed to touch. He can only handle
lozenges and chanachoor. And he fetches and carries for the entire shop. When
Benda reaches the counter, the boy asks, “Why doesn’t anyone call you by your
name?”
Benda, not understanding, stares
at the boy. The boy says, “They call you son of a pig and son of a crow--why do
they call you these names?”
Benda laughs and says in a low
voice, “Oh! They’re all sons of mice.”
“Hey, son of a monkey!” Suddenly,
again, Kanto Kundu’s bellow. “Two-fifty of mustard seed in a bag.”
“Right away, Babu.” Benda runs
off.
Kanto Kundu’s shop is always
humming. Stationery, supplies. Next to that, the ration shop. Gopal, former
brother-in-law, is in charge of the ration shop, but everything is done with
Kanto’s advice, Kanto’s supervision: Kanto owns everything. Benda is his
youngest worker. He gets food and clothes, and a salary of twenty rupees, which
his mother comes and takes every month. He eats at Kanto Kundu’s house; before
going there, he bathes under the roadside tap. Kanto’s first wife is dead; they
didn’t have any children. He married again four years ago; no children. This
wife is young, pretty. She lets her widowed aunt sleep in their kitchen. The
aunt calls Benda stinky goat--apparently Benda smells like a goat. Kanto’s wife
calls him turnip--apparently his face resembles a turnip. His own mother calls
him many names, most of them not worth repeating. Kanto, too, has many such
epithets for him, not worth repeating. All this matters little to Benda. In his
mind he calls all of them mice, or sons of mice. Kanto’s wife’s widowed aunt
gives Benda very little to eat. Still, all this matters little to him. He lives
only for one reason, one passion. His game of kill-the-mice. And with the
excitement of the game comes the thrill of money. A small mouse fetches five
paise, and a larger field mouse is worth ten paise. Kanto Kundu pays.
It is nine-thirty at night: Benda
has returned from dinner. Kanto Kundu sits with his brother-in-law, does the
accounts for the day, picks up his bunch of keys, and stands up. The front door
of the shop has already been closed. At the rear of the shop is a warehouse,
where Benda stays at night. There’s a door at the rear of the warehouse, and on
the other side, between the door and the surrounding boundary wall, is a narrow
patch of land with a toilet in one corner. The boundary wall is crowned with
pieces of broken glass set into the cement along the top, and above that three
strands of barbed wire.
From the shop to the warehouse
there’s only one door. After letting Benda into the warehouse, Kanto Kundu
secures the door with four padlocks. Then the outside door: he pulls the
collapsible grill across it, puts about a dozen padlocks on it, and goes off.
Everything is set for the night.
Benda is now alone in the
warehouse. Candle and matches are stored atop a large wooden box. There’s an
electric light, but the switch is in the shop, and it’s turned off at night.
When Benda needs light, he has to use a candle. In the darkness he walks
forward until he reaches the box. He stretches out a hand across the top of the
box, to the usual place. He picks up the matchbox and strikes a match, and
lights the thin candle standing on top of the box. From the gap between two
sacks of bran he pulls out a blanket and a stained old pillow and lays them
down on the sacks. He finds the small can hidden behind a sack of beans, opens
it, and sees that there are three biris left. He takes a biri and returns the
can to its hiding place, and lights the biri at the candle. Then he looks
around the warehouse.
In the light of the thin candle,
the whole warehouse can’t be seen. On either side of the blood-red glow are
sacks, boxes, and barrels, and the gaps between all these different things
contain little handfuls of darkness. In that darkness and in that red light,
Benda’s shadow is immense, his limbs inhuman. Pulling at his biri, he opens the
door near the boundary wall. He lifts his shorts and urinates. On the other
side of the wall is the bazaar. He shuts the door and returns to the wooden
box. With unblinking eyes he begins to look around. Smoke drifts from his mouth
and nose. The skin on his face grows taut: his eyes start to burn. Eagerly he
listens to every noise, inside or outside. This expression is never seen during
his entire day at work. It’s as if he’s preserving his body’s energies by means
of some mantra, allowing only his face to show excitement. He puffs on his
biri, blows out smoke. The muscles of his soft body stand out. His face becomes
hard and ferocious. Somewhere in the warehouse there is a slight noise. He
doesn’t turn his head; he closes his eyes, tilts his head, listens carefully.
He stops puffing on the biri. He
lifts the stub to eye level, then easily pinches it out and throws it away. He
reaches behind the barrel and pulls out a bamboo lathi, shiny with oil, one end
bulging like a head. He lifts the lathi to his eye and stares at it once. Then
he grasps the narrow end in his fist, with the large end hanging down. He turns
his head and blows out the candle, and the darkness thuds down like a heavy
curtain. Benda slowly, soundlessly walks a few steps away from the box and
stands motionless as a figure carved in stone.
Benda’s world, too, is motionless
now. The universe is dark; the creature called man ceases to exist. Time is
stopped, waiting.
Benda sees two small red burning
points. Immediately they rush off to one side. Benda is still. Again two
ember-points gleam, high up, near the roof, then move down rapidly and blend
into the darkness. Benda is motionless. Four ember-points move across the floor
a few feet from him. Benda is carved in stone. Two ember-points hurriedly move
close, stop for an instant, and disappear into the darkness behind.
Immediately, again, two ember-points come from the left and stop at his feet,
then run away to the right.
These pairs of ember-points, high
and low, far and near, begin to move and run and jump. Then, as if hypnotized,
several ember-points begin to frisk and frolic in front of him. Benda’s fist
tightens, the lathi rises and comes down incredibly quickly, violently. Benda
jumps around, bringing the head of the lathi down in heavy thudding blows. Then
he moves to one side and again stands as still as a stone statue. The world,
too, is stopped again, become motionless.
There’s no counting time, no
measuring the depth of the darkness. Again pairs of ember-points begin to
appear, high and low, on the floor, on the sacks, on the box. Running and
jumping, twisting and turning again, some ember-points begin to move, as if in
a trance, in front of Benda. Benda’s hands rise again, again the blows fall
like lightning. Then he comes back to the box, strikes a match, and lights the
candle. The glow of the candle slowly pushes away the darkness. Benda, looking
from side to side, picks up from the floor the carcasses of three small mice
and a field-mouse. He sets them down on top of the box near the candle. He
stares at them with shining eyes; a cruel smile spreads across his excited
face. His face and body are slick with sweat, his hair fanned out over his forehead.
He says, “Bastard mice, sons of mice.”
He puts the lathi behind the box.
He blows out the candle. In the darkness he goes to the blanket laid out on the
sacks of grain, stretches out on it, lays his head on the stained pillow, and
falls asleep.
After the long day’s hard toil in
this nameless life, after many insults and many hungry days, this is his one
pleasure. So much pleasure, it doesn’t take him long to fall into a deep sleep.
This pleasure and ease last until the dawn. Then, again, another cursed day
begins. After nine at night, the game, the excitement, the pleasure, and then
the ease of a deep sleep.
Benda has no time to think how
some unknown force arranges these days and nights of his life. Where this life
will end, he doesn’t know. Sometimes on the surface of this life, on its body,
some openings appear for an instant. And in those openings float up images of
playing in a large field, the sounds of many children’s delight. All these
images and sounds are in the realm of the forbidden. The openings are
forbidden.